Eurovision Song Contest…never heard of it?

In Europe (yeah right…I mean the east side of Germany where I live) there are always some interesting things going on. The events are nothing like what we have back home. Especially sports. American tend to think of Europeans as astute and sophisticated and mature, and they sure are…not! They’re just like Americans in that they aren’t too kind to illegals, have their inalienable ‘rights’ (ever heard of ‘gemutlichkeit’ or ‘joie de vivre’?) and like to wear black turtle necks like we wear wife beaters. Of course the Europeans have a really acute sense of the arts it seems, at least when you consider the taste of the French, Italian or something like Baroque. You know what I mean…refined, or something like that.

Well, they have a few things here that I cannot get my head around. In Germany they have the Karnival which is like the Carnival in South America, or like Mardi Gras and even Halloween (so I’ve heard, but they celebrate that too so it can’t be the same…). People get dressed and run around with a pretense for goofiness (see turtlenecks: above). They got this one thing called the Eurovision Song Contest and it is…singular (pinky finger pressed to my lip).

Apparently some (every?) European country comes up with a singer, a song and a producer and battle it out until somebody wins. I first heard of it when my ex was like, (we’re entertaining and she turns to me for confirmation) ‘you know who I’m talking about, the person who won the Gran Prix!’ I’m like, well I’ve only been here for a few months so maybe it was Michael Schumacher, he races cars right? Not only did I learn what a Gran Prix really is, but I also found out about the European Championships of Singular Talent.

It’s like the Olympics, and its held every year and some people sort of make a big deal out of it. I absolutely love metaphors, but I can’t find one to fit to what I’m trying to communicate. Winners are judged according to some arbitrary set of criteria, and the winners are very proud. It’s on television, and you see flags and stuff and I guess they keep score at home. I don’t want to say it’s like the County Fair Blue Ribbon because I’ve never attended anything like that, but it sure seems like it. I think (thanks to my crack research team) that the highest score is like 6 or 8 or something like that, and I haven’t a clue how the judges are picked.

Then, here in Germany, one of the more popular talk show hosts (one of those love/hate polarizing types) figured he could do better than the German singer/songwriting contingent and staged a competition of his own to ensure Germany’s victory. I watched it from a distance, sure, and her song was quite the catchy tune I must say. However, it was kinda like Britney Spears or something like that. I guess it’s all in good fun.